{"id":7952,"date":"2022-04-09T12:11:34","date_gmt":"2022-04-09T16:11:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lecturia.org\/?p=7952"},"modified":"2022-04-09T12:11:38","modified_gmt":"2022-04-09T16:11:38","slug":"raymond-carver-what-we-talk-about-when-we-talk-about-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lecturia.org\/en\/short-stories\/raymond-carver-what-we-talk-about-when-we-talk-about-love\/7952\/","title":{"rendered":"Raymond Carver: What We Talk About When We Talk About Love"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

MY friend Mel McGinnis was talking. Mel McGinnis is a cardiologist, and sometimes that gives him the right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The four of us were sitting around his kitchen table drinking gin. Sunlight filled the kitchen from the big window behind the sink. There were Mel and me and his second wife, Teresa\u2014Terri, we called her\u2014and my wife, Laura. We lived in Albuquerque then. But we were all from somewhere else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was an ice bucket on the table. The gin and the tonic water kept going around, and we somehow got on the subject of love. Mel thought real love was nothing less than spiritual love. He said he\u2019d spent five years in a seminary before quitting to go to medical school. He said he still looked back on those years in the seminary as the most important years in his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terri said the man she lived with before she lived with Mel loved her so much he tried to kill her. Then Terri said, \u201cHe beat me up one night. He dragged me around the living room by my ankles. He kept saying, \u2018I love you, I love you, you bitch.\u2019 He went on dragging me around the living room. My head kept knocking on things.\u201d Terri looked around the table. \u201cWhat do you do with love like that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She was a bone-thin woman with a pretty face, dark eyes, and brown hair that hung down her back. She liked necklaces made of turquoise, and long pendant earrings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMy God, don\u2019t be silly. That\u2019s not love, and you know it,\u201d Mel said. \u201cI don\u2019t know what you\u2019d call it, but I sure know you wouldn\u2019t call it love.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSay what you want to, but I know it was,\u201d Terri said. \u201cIt may sound crazy to you, but it\u2019s true just the same. People are different, Mel. Sure, sometimes he may have acted crazy. Okay. But he loved me. In his own way maybe, but he loved me. There was love there, Mel. Don\u2019t say there wasn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mel let out his breath. He held his glass and turned to Laura and me. \u201cThe man threatened to kill me,\u201d Mel said. He finished his drink and reached for the gin bottle. \u201cTerri\u2019s a romantic. Terri\u2019s of the kick-me-so-I\u2019ll-know-you-love-me school. Terri, hon, don\u2019t look that way.\u201d Mel reached across the table and touched Terri\u2019s cheek with his fingers. He grinned at her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNow he wants to make up,\u201d Terri said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMake up what?\u201d Mel said. \u201cWhat is there to make up? I know what I know. That\u2019s all.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHow\u2019d we get started on this subject, anyway?\u201d Terri said. She raised her glass and drank from it. \u201cMel always has love on his mind,\u201d she said. \u201cDon\u2019t you, honey?\u201d She smiled, and I thought that was the last of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI just wouldn\u2019t call Ed\u2019s behavior love. That\u2019s all I\u2019m saying, honey,\u201d Mel said. \u201cWhat about you guys?\u201d Mel said to Laura and me. \u201cDoes that sound like love to you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m the wrong person to ask,\u201d I said. \u201cI didn\u2019t even know the man. I\u2019ve only heard his name mentioned in passing. I wouldn\u2019t know. You\u2019d have to know the particulars. But I think what you\u2019re saying is that love is an absolute.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mel said, \u201cThe kind of love I\u2019m talking about is. The kind of love I\u2019m talking about, you don\u2019t try to kill people.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Laura said, \u201cI don\u2019t know anything about Ed, or anything about the situation. But who can judge anyone else\u2019s situation?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I touched the back of Laura\u2019s hand. She gave me a quick smile. I picked up Laura\u2019s hand. It was warm, the nails polished, perfectly manicured. I encircled the broad wrist with my fingers, and I held her.

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWHEN I left, he drank rat poison,\u201d Terri said. She clasped her arms with her hands. \u201cThey took him to the hospital in Santa Fe. That\u2019s where we lived then, about ten miles out. They saved his life. But his gums went crazy from it. I mean they pulled away from his teeth. After that, his teeth stood out like fangs. My God,\u201d Terri said. She waited a minute, then let go of her arms and picked up her glass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat people won\u2019t do!\u201d Laura said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHe\u2019s out of the action now,\u201d Mel said. \u201cHe\u2019s dead.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mel handed me the saucer of limes. I took a section, squeezed it over my drink, and stirred the ice cubes with my finger.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt gets worse,\u201d Terri said. \u201cHe shot himself in the mouth. But he bungled that too. Poor Ed,\u201d she said. Terri shook her head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPoor Ed nothing,\u201d Mel said. \u201cHe was dangerous.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mel was forty-five years old. He was tall and rangy with curly soft hair. His face and arms were brown from the tennis he played. When he was sober, his gestures, all his movements, were precise, very careful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHe did love me though, Mel. Grant me that,\u201d Terri said. \u201cThat\u2019s all I\u2019m asking. He didn\u2019t love me the way you love me. I\u2019m not saying that. But he loved me. You can grant me that, can\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat do you mean, he bungled it?\u201d I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Laura leaned forward with her glass. She put her elbows on the table and held her glass in both hands. She glanced from Mel to Terri and waited with a look of bewilderment on her open face, as if amazed that such things happened to people you were friendly with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHow\u2019d he bungle it when he killed himself?\u201d I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019ll tell you what happened,\u201d Mel said. \u201cHe took this twenty-two pistol he\u2019d bought to threaten Terri and me with. Oh, I\u2019m serious, the man was always threatening. You should have seen the way we lived in those days. Like fugitives. I even bought a gun myself. Can you believe it? A guy like me? But I did. I bought one for self-defense and carried it in the glove compartment. Sometimes I\u2019d have to leave the apartment in the middle of the night. To go to the hospital, you know? Terri and I weren\u2019t married then, and my first wife had the house and kids, the dog, everything, and Terri and I were living in this apartment here. Sometimes, as I say, I\u2019d get a call in the middle of the night and have to go in to the hospital at two or three in the morning. It\u2019d be dark out there in the parking lot, and I\u2019d break into a sweat before I could even get to my car. I never knew if he was going to come up out of the shrubbery or from behind a car and start shooting. I mean, the man was crazy. He was capable of wiring a bomb, anything. He used to call my service at all hours and say he needed to talk to the doctor, and when I\u2019d return the call, he\u2019d say, \u2018Son of a bitch, your days are numbered.\u2019 Little things like that. It was scary, I\u2019m telling you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI still feel sorry for him,\u201d Terri said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt sounds like a nightmare,\u201d Laura said. \u201cBut what exactly happened after he shot himself?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Laura is a legal secretary. We\u2019d met in a professional capacity. Before we knew it, it was a courtship. She\u2019s thirty-five, three years younger than I am. In addition to being in love, we like each other and enjoy one another\u2019s company. She\u2019s easy to be with.

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWHAT happened?\u201d Laura said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mel said, \u201cHe shot himself in the mouth in his room. Someone heard the shot and told the manager. They came in with a passkey, saw what had happened, and called an ambulance. I happened to be there when they brought him in, alive but past recall. The man lived for three days. His head swelled up to twice the size of a normal head. I\u2019d never seen anything like it, and I hope I never do again. Terri wanted to go in and sit with him when she found out about it. We had a fight over it. I didn\u2019t think she should see him like that. I didn\u2019t think she should see him, and I still don\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWho won the fight?\u201d Laura said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI was in the room with him when he died,\u201d Terri said. \u201cHe never came up out of it. But I sat with him. He didn\u2019t have anyone else.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHe was dangerous,\u201d Mel said. \u201cIf you call that love, you can have it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt was love,\u201d Terri said. \u201cSure, it\u2019s abnormal in most people\u2019s eyes. But he was willing to die for it. He did die for it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI sure as hell wouldn\u2019t call it love,\u201d Mel said. \u201cI mean, no one knows what he did it for. I\u2019ve seen a lot of suicides, and I couldn\u2019t say anyone ever knew what they did it for.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mel put his hands behind his neck and tilted his chair back. \u201cI\u2019m not interested in that kind of love,\u201d he said. \u201cIf that\u2019s love, you can have it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terri said, \u201cWe were afraid. Mel even made a will out and wrote to his brother in California who used to be a Green Beret. Mel told him who to look for if something happened to him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terri drank from her glass. She said, \u201cBut Mel\u2019s right\u2014we lived like fugitives. We were afraid. Mel was, weren\u2019t you, honey? I even called the police at one point, but they were no help. They said they couldn\u2019t do anything until Ed actually did something. Isn\u2019t that a laugh?\u201d Terri said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She poured the last of the gin into her glass and waggled the bottle. Mel got up from the table and went to the cupboard. He took down another bottle.

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWELL, Nick and I know what love is,\u201d Laura said. \u201cFor us, I mean,\u201d Laura said. She bumped my knee with her knee. \u201cYou\u2019re supposed to say something now,\u201d Laura said, and turned her smile on me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For an answer, I took Laura\u2019s hand and raised it to my lips. I made a big production out of kissing her hand. Everyone was amused.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe\u2019re lucky,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou guys,\u201d Terri said. \u201cStop that now. You\u2019re making me sick. You\u2019re still on the honeymoon, for God\u2019s sake. You\u2019re still gaga, for crying out loud. Just wait. How long have you been together now? How long has it been? A year? Longer than a year?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGoing on a year and a half,\u201d Laura said, flushed and smiling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, now,\u201d Terri said. \u201cWait awhile.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She held her drink and gazed at Laura.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m only kidding,\u201d Terri said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mel opened the gin and went around the table with the bottle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHere, you guys,\u201d he said. \u201cLet\u2019s have a toast. I want to propose a toast. A toast to love. To true love,\u201d Mel said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We touched glasses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTo love,\u201d we said.

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

OUTSIDE in the backyard, one of the dogs began to bark. The leaves of the aspen that leaned past the window ticked against the glass. The afternoon sun was like a presence in this room, the spacious light of ease and generosity. We could have been anywhere, somewhere enchanted. We raised our glasses again and grinned at each other like children who had agreed on something forbidden.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019ll tell you what real love is,\u201d Mel said. \u201cI mean, I\u2019ll give you a good example. And then you can draw your own conclusions.\u201d He poured more gin into his glass. He added an ice cube and a sliver of lime. We waited and sipped our drinks. Laura and I touched knees again. I put a hand on her warm thigh and left it there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat do any of us really know about love?\u201d Mel said. \u201cIt seems to me we\u2019re just beginners at love. We say we love each other and we do, I don\u2019t doubt it. I love Terri and Terri loves me, and you guys love each other too. You know the kind of love I\u2019m talking about now. Physical love, that impulse that drives you to someone special, as well as love of the other person\u2019s being, his or her essence, as it were. Carnal love and, well, call it sentimental love, the day-to-day caring about the other person. But sometimes I have a hard time accounting for the fact that I must have loved my first wife too. But I did, I know I did. So I suppose I am like Terri in that regard. Terri and Ed.\u201d He thought about it and then he went on. \u201cThere was a time when I thought I loved my first wife more than life itself. But now I hate her guts. I do. How do you explain that? What happened to that love? What happened to it, is what I\u2019d like to know. I wish someone could tell me. Then there\u2019s Ed. Okay, we\u2019re back to Ed. He loves Terri so much he tries to kill her and he winds up killing himself.\u201d Mel stopped talking and swallowed from his glass. \u201cYou guys have been together eighteen months and you love each other. It shows all over you. You glow with it. But you both loved other people before you met each other. You\u2019ve both been married before, just like us. And you probably loved other people before that too, even. Terri and I have been together five years, been married for four. And the terrible thing, the terrible thing is, but the good thing too, the saving grace, you might say, is that if something happened to one of us\u2014excuse me for saying this\u2014but if something happened to one of us tomorrow, I think the other one, the other person, would grieve for a while, you know, but then the surviving party would go out and love again, have someone else soon enough. All this, all of this love we\u2019re talking about, it would just be a memory. Maybe not even a memory. Am I wrong? Am I way off base? Because I want you to set me straight if you think I\u2019m wrong. I want to know. I mean, I don\u2019t know anything, and I\u2019m the first one to admit it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMel, for God\u2019s sake,\u201d Terri said. She reached out and took hold of his wrist. \u201cAre you getting drunk? Honey? Are you drunk?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHoney, I\u2019m just talking,\u201d Mel said. \u201cAll right? I don\u2019t have to be drunk to say what I think. I mean, we\u2019re all just talking, right?\u201d Mel said. He fixed his eyes on her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSweetie, I\u2019m not criticizing,\u201d Terri said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She picked up her glass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m not on call today,\u201d Mel said. \u201cLet me remind you of that. I am not on call,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMel, we love you,\u201d Laura said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mel looked at Laura. He looked at her as if he could not place her, as if she was not the woman she was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLove you too, Laura,\u201d Mel said. \u201cAnd you, Nick, love you too. You know something?\u201d Mel said. \u201cYou guys are our pals,\u201d Mel said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He picked up his glass.

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MEL said, \u201cI was going to tell you about something. I mean, I was going to prove a point. You see, this happened a few months ago, but it\u2019s still going on right now, and it ought to make us feel ashamed when we talk like we know what we\u2019re talking about when we talk about love.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCome on now,\u201d Terri said. \u201cDon\u2019t talk like you\u2019re drunk if you\u2019re not drunk.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cJust shut up for once in your life,\u201d Mel said very quietly. \u201cWill you do me a favor and do that for a minute? So as I was saying, there\u2019s this old couple who had this car wreck out on the interstate. A kid hit them and they were all torn to shit and nobody was giving them much chance to pull through.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terri looked at us and then back at Mel. She seemed anxious, or maybe that\u2019s too strong a word.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mel was handing the bottle around the table.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI was on call that night,\u201d Mel said. \u201cIt was May or maybe it was June. Terri and I had just sat down to dinner when the hospital called. There\u2019d been this thing out on the interstate. Drunk kid, teenager, plowed his dad\u2019s pickup into this camper with this old couple in it. They were up in their mid-seventies, that couple. The kid\u2014eighteen, nineteen, something\u2014he was DOA. Taken the steering wheel through his sternum. The old couple, they were alive, you understand. I mean, just barely. But they had everything. Multiple fractures, internal injuries, hemorrhaging, contusions, lacerations, the works, and they each of them had themselves concussions. They were in a bad way, believe me. And, of course, their age was two strikes against them. I\u2019d say she was worse off than he was. Ruptured spleen along with everything else. Both kneecaps broken. But they\u2019d been wearing their seatbelts and, God knows, that\u2019s what saved them for the time being.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFolks, this is an advertisement for the National Safety Council,\u201d Terri said. \u201cThis is your spokesman, Dr. Melvin R. McGinnis, talking.\u201d Terri laughed. \u201cMel,\u201d she said, \u201csometimes you\u2019re just too much. But I love you, hon,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHoney, I love you,\u201d Mel said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He leaned across the table. Terri met him halfway. They kissed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTerri\u2019s right,\u201d Mel said as he settled himself again. \u201cGet those seatbelts on. But seriously, they were in some shape, those oldsters. By the time I got down there, the kid was dead, as I said. He was off in a corner, laid out on a gurney. I took one look at the old couple and told the ER nurse to get me a neurologist and an orthopedic man and a couple of surgeons down there right away.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He drank from his glass. \u201cI\u2019ll try to keep this short,\u201d he said. \u201cSo we took the two of them up to the OR and worked like fuck on them most of the night. They had these incredible reserves, those two. You see that once in a while. So we did everything that could be done, and toward morning we\u2019re giving them a fifty-fifty chance, maybe less than that for her. So here they are, still alive the next morning. So, okay, we move them into the ICU, which is where they both kept plugging away at it for two weeks, hitting it better and better on all the scopes. So we transfer them out to their own room.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mel stopped talking. \u201cHere,\u201d he said, \u201clet\u2019s drink this cheapo gin the hell up. Then we\u2019re going to dinner, right? Terri and I know a new place. That\u2019s where we\u2019ll go, to this new place we know about. But we\u2019re not going until we finish up this cut-rate, lousy gin.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terri said, \u201cWe haven\u2019t actually eaten there yet. But it looks good. From the outside, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI like food,\u201d Mel said. \u201cIf I had it to do all over again, I\u2019d be a chef, you know? Right, Terri?\u201d Mel said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He laughed. He fingered the ice in his glass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTerri knows,\u201d he said. \u201cTerri can tell you. But let me say this. If I could come back again in a different life, a different time and all, you know what? I\u2019d like to come back as a knight. You were pretty safe wearing all that armor. It was all right being a knight until gunpowder and muskets and pistols came along.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMel would like to ride a horse and carry a lance,\u201d Terri said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCarry a woman\u2019s scarf with you everywhere,\u201d Laura said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOr just a woman,\u201d Mel said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cShame on you,\u201d Laura said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terri said, \u201cSuppose you came back as a serf. The serfs didn\u2019t have it so good in those days,\u201d Terri said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe serfs never had it good,\u201d Mel said. \u201cBut I guess even the knights were vessels to someone. Isn\u2019t that the way it worked? But then everyone is always a vessel to someone. Isn\u2019t that right? Terri? But what I liked about knights, besides their ladies, was that they had that suit of armor, you know, and they couldn\u2019t get hurt very easy. No cars in those days, you know? No drunk teenagers to tear into your ass.\u201d

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cVASSALS,\u201d Terri said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Mel said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cVassals,\u201d Terri said. \u201cThey were called vassals, not vessels.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cVassals, vessels,\u201d Mel said, \u201cwhat the fuck\u2019s the difference? You knew what I meant anyway. All right,\u201d Mel said. \u201cSo I\u2019m not educated. I learned my stuff. I\u2019m a heart surgeon, sure, but I\u2019m just a mechanic. I go in and I fuck around and I fix things. Shit,\u201d Mel said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cModesty doesn\u2019t become you,\u201d Terri said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHe\u2019s just a humble sawbones,\u201d I said. \u201cBut sometimes they suffocated in all that armor, Mel. They\u2019d even have heart attacks if it got too hot and they were too tired and worn out. I read somewhere that they\u2019d fall off their horses and not be able to get up because they were too tired to stand with all that armor on them. They got trampled by their own horses sometimes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s terrible,\u201d Mel said. \u201cThat\u2019s a terrible thing, Nicky. I guess they\u2019d just lay there and wait until somebody came along and made a shish kebab out of them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSome other vessel,\u201d Terri said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s right,\u201d Mel said. \u201cSome vassal would come along and spear the bastard in the name of love. Or whatever the fuck it was they fought over in those days.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSame things we fight over these days,\u201d Terri said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Laura said, \u201cNothing\u2019s changed.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The color was still high in Laura\u2019s cheeks. Her eyes were bright. She brought her glass to her lips.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mel poured himself another drink. He looked at the label closely as if studying a long row of numbers. Then he slowly put the bottle down on the table and slowly reached for the tonic water.

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWHAT about the old couple?\u201d Laura said. \u201cYou didn\u2019t finish that story you started.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Laura was having a hard time lighting her cigarette. Her matches kept going out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The sunshine inside the room was different now, changing, getting thinner. But the leaves outside the window were still shimmering, and I stared at the pattern they made on the panes and on the Formica counter. They weren\u2019t the same patterns, of course.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat about the old couple?\u201d I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOlder but wiser,\u201d Terri said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mel stared at her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terri said, \u201cGo on with your story, hon. I was only kidding. Then what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTerri, sometimes,\u201d Mel said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPlease, Mel,\u201d Terri said. \u201cDon\u2019t always be so serious, sweetie. Can\u2019t you take a joke?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s the joke?\u201d Mel said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He held his glass and gazed steadily at his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat happened?\u201d Laura said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mel fastened his eyes on Laura. He said, \u201cLaura, if I didn\u2019t have Terri and if I didn\u2019t love her so much, and if Nick wasn\u2019t my best friend, I\u2019d fall in love with you. I\u2019d carry you off, honey,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTell your story,\u201d Terri said. \u201cThen we\u2019ll go to that new place, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d Mel said. \u201cWhere was I?\u201d he said. He stared at the table and then he began again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI dropped in to see each of them every day, sometimes twice a day if I was up doing other calls anyway. Casts and bandages, head to foot, the both of them. You know, you\u2019ve seen it in the movies. That\u2019s just the way they looked, just like in the movies. Little eye-holes and nose-holes and mouth-holes. And she had to have her legs slung up on top of it. Well, the husband was very depressed for the longest while. Even after he found out that his wife was going to pull through, he was still very depressed. Not about the accident, though. I mean, the accident was one thing, but it wasn\u2019t everything. I\u2019d get up to his mouth-hole, you know, and he\u2019d say no, it wasn\u2019t the accident exactly but it was because he couldn\u2019t see her through his eye-holes. He said that was what was making him feel so bad. Can you imagine? I\u2019m telling you, the man\u2019s heart was breaking because he couldn\u2019t turn his goddamn head and see<\/em> his goddamn wife.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mel looked around the table and shook his head at what he was going to say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI mean, it was killing the old fart just because he couldn\u2019t look<\/em> at the fucking woman.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all looked at Mel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDo you see what I\u2019m saying?\u201d he said.

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MAYBE we were a little drunk by then. I know it was hard keeping things in focus. The light was draining out of the room, going back through the window where it had come from. Yet nobody made a move to get up from the table to turn on the overhead light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cListen,\u201d Mel said. \u201cLet\u2019s finish this fucking gin. There\u2019s about enough left here for one shooter all around. Then let\u2019s go eat. Let\u2019s go to the new place.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHe\u2019s depressed,\u201d Terri said. \u201cMel, why don\u2019t you take a pill?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mel shook his head. \u201cI\u2019ve taken everything there is.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe all need a pill now and then,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSome people are born needing them,\u201d Terri said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She was using her finger to rub at something on the table. Then she stopped rubbing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI think I want to call my kids,\u201d Mel said. \u201cIs that all right with everybody? I\u2019ll call my kids,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terri said, \u201cWhat if Marjorie answers the phone? You guys, you\u2019ve heard us on the subject of Marjorie? Honey, you know you don\u2019t want to talk to Marjorie. It\u2019ll make you feel even worse.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to talk to Marjorie,\u201d Mel said. \u201cBut I want to talk to my kids.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThere isn\u2019t a day goes by that Mel doesn\u2019t say he wishes she\u2019d get married again. Or else die,\u201d Terri said. \u201cFor one thing,\u201d Terri said, \u201cshe\u2019s bankrupting us. Mel says it\u2019s just to spite him that she won\u2019t get married again. She has a boyfriend who lives with her and the kids, so Mel is supporting the boyfriend too.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cShe\u2019s allergic to bees,\u201d Mel said. \u201cIf I\u2019m not praying she\u2019ll get married again, I\u2019m praying she\u2019ll get herself stung to death by a swarm of fucking bees.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cShame on you,\u201d Laura said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBzzzzzzz,\u201d Mel said, turning his fingers into bees and buzzing them at Terri\u2019s throat. Then he let his hands drop all the way to his sides.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cShe\u2019s vicious,\u201d Mel said. \u201cSometimes I think I\u2019ll go up there dressed like a beekeeper. You know, that hat that\u2019s like a helmet with the plate that comes down over your face, the big gloves, and the padded coat? I\u2019ll knock on the door and let loose a hive of bees in the house. But first I\u2019d make sure the kids were out, of course.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He crossed one leg over the other. It seemed to take him a lot of time to do it. Then he put both feet on the floor and leaned forward, elbows on the table, his chin cupped in his hands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMaybe I won\u2019t call the kids, after all. Maybe it isn\u2019t such a hot idea. Maybe we\u2019ll just go eat. How does that sound?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSounds fine to me,\u201d I said. \u201cEat or not eat. Or keep drinking. I could head right on out into the sunset.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat does that mean, honey?\u201d Laura said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt just means what I said,\u201d I said. \u201cIt means I could just keep going. That\u2019s all it means.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI could eat something myself,\u201d Laura said. \u201cI don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever been so hungry in my life. Is there something to nibble on?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019ll put out some cheese and crackers,\u201d Terri said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But Terri just sat there. She did not get up to get anything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mel turned his glass over. He spilled it out on the table.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGin\u2019s gone,\u201d Mel said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Terri said, \u201cNow what?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I could hear my heart beating. I could hear everyone\u2019s heart. I could hear the human noise we sat there making, not one of us moving, not even when the room went dark.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Bibliographic data<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Author: Raymond Carver
Title: What We Talk About When We Talk About Love<\/em>
Published in: Antaeus<\/em> 40-41 (1981)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[Full text]<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Raymond<\/figure><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

MY friend Mel McGinnis was talking. Mel McGinnis is a cardiologist, and sometimes that gives him the right. The four of us were sitting around his kitchen table drinking gin. Sunlight filled the kitchen from the big window behind the sink. There were Mel and me and his second wife, Teresa\u2014Terri, we called her\u2014and my wife, … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7113,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[559],"tags":[575,570],"class_list":["post-7952","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-short-stories","tag-raymond-carver-en","tag-united-states","generate-columns","tablet-grid-50","mobile-grid-100","grid-parent","grid-33"],"acf":[],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":559,"label":"Short stories"}],"post_tag":[{"value":575,"label":"Raymond Carver"},{"value":570,"label":"United States"}]},"featured_image_src_large":["https:\/\/lecturia.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/Raymond-Carver.jpg",800,457,false],"author_info":{"display_name":"Juan Pablo Guevara","author_link":"https:\/\/lecturia.org\/en\/author\/spartakku\/"},"comment_info":"","category_info":[{"term_id":559,"name":"Short stories","slug":"short-stories","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":559,"taxonomy":"category","description":"","parent":0,"count":419,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":559,"category_count":419,"category_description":"","cat_name":"Short stories","category_nicename":"short-stories","category_parent":0}],"tag_info":[{"term_id":575,"name":"Raymond Carver","slug":"raymond-carver-en","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":575,"taxonomy":"post_tag","description":"","parent":0,"count":2,"filter":"raw"},{"term_id":570,"name":"United States","slug":"united-states","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":570,"taxonomy":"post_tag","description":"","parent":0,"count":294,"filter":"raw"}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lecturia.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7952","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lecturia.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lecturia.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lecturia.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lecturia.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7952"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lecturia.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7952\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lecturia.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7113"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lecturia.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7952"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lecturia.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7952"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lecturia.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7952"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}