II<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard\u2019s attic was a large unfinished room with exposed beams and no electric light. They had set the telescope up on a tripod in one of the dormer windows. It pointed now toward the dark sky where a sliver of moon, as fragile as an egg shell, had just emerged from behind a cloud with a brilliant silver edge. Inside, a kerosene lantern set on a trunk cast their shadows upward and tangled them, wavering slightly, in the joists overhead. Sheppard was sitting on a packing box, looking through the telescope, and Johnson was at his elbow, waiting to get at it. Sheppard had bought it for fifteen dollars two days before at a pawn shop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cQuit hoggin it,\u201d Johnson said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard got up and Johnson slid onto the box and put his eye to the instrument.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard sat down on a straight chair a few feet away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His face was flushed with pleasure. This much of his dream was a reality. Within a week he had made it possible for this boy\u2019s vision to pass through a slender channel to the stars. He looked at Johnson\u2019s bent back with complete satisfaction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The boy had on one of Norton\u2019s plaid shirts and Some new khaki trousers he had bought him. The shoe would be ready next week. He had taken him to the brace shop the day after he came and had him fitted for a new shoe. Johnson was as touchy about the foot as if it were a sacred object. His face had been glum while the clerk, a young man with a bright pink bald head, measured the foot with his profane hands. The shoe was going to make the greatest difference in the boy\u2019s attitude. Even a child with normal feet was in love with the world after he had got a new pair of shoes. When Norton got a new pair, he walked around for days with his eyes on his feet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard glanced across the room at the child. He was sitting on the floor against a trunk, trussed up in a rope he had found and wound around his legs from his ankles to his knees. He appeared so far away that Sheppard might have been looking at him through the wrong end of the telescope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He had had to whip him only once since Johnson had been with them\u2014the first night when Norton had realized that Johnson was going to sleep in his mother\u2019s bed. He did not believe in whipping children, particularly in anger. In this case, he had done both and with good results. He had had no more trouble with Norton.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The child hadn\u2019t shown any positive generosity toward Johnson but what he couldn\u2019t help, he appeared to be resigned to. In the mornings Sheppard sent the two of them to the Y swimming pool, gave them money to get their lunch at the cafeteria and instructed them to meet him in the park in the afternoon to watch his Little League baseball practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Every afternoon they had arrived at the park, shambling, silent, their faces closed each on his own thoughts as if neither were aware of the other\u2019s existence. At least he eould be thankful there were no fights.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Norton showed no interest in the telescope. \u201cDon\u2019t you want to get up and look through the telescope, Norton?\u201d he said. It irritated him that the child showed no intellectual curiosity whatsoever. \u201cRufus is going to be way ahead of you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Norton leaned forward absently and looked at Johnson\u2019s back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson turned around from the instrument. His face had begun to fill out again. The look of outrage had retreated from his hollow cheeks and was shored up now in the caves of his eyes, like a fugitive from Sheppard\u2019s kindness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDon\u2019t waste your valuable time, kid,\u201d he said. \u201cYou seen the moon once, you seen it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard was amused by these sudden turns of perversity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The boy resisted whatever he suspected was meant for his improvement and contrived when he was vitally interested in something to leave the impression he was bored.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard was not deceived. Secretly Johnson was learning what he wanted him to learn\u2014that his benefactor was impervious to insult and that there were no cracks in his armor of kindness and patience where a successful shaft could be driven. \u201cSome day you may go to the moon,\u201d he said. \u201cIn ten years men will probably be making round trips there on schedule. Why you boys may be spacemen. Astronauts!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAstro-nuts,\u201dJohnson said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNuts or nauts,\u201d Sheppard said, \u201cit\u2019s perfectly possible that you, Rufus Johnson, will go to the moon.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Something in the depths of Johnson\u2019s eyes stirred. All day his humor had been glum. \u201cI ain\u2019t going to the moon and get there alive,\u201d he said, \u201cand when I die I\u2019m going to hell.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt\u2019s at least possible to get to the moon,\u201d Sheppard said dryly. The best way to handle this kind of thing was with gentle ridicule. \u201cWe can see it. We know it\u2019s there. Nobody has given any reliable evidence there\u2019s a hell.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe Bible has give the evidence,\u201d Johnson said darkly, \u201cand if you die and go there you burn forever.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The child leaned forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhoever says it ain\u2019t a hell,\u201d Johnson said, \u201cis contradicting Jesus. The dead are judged and the wicked are damned. They weep and gnash their teeth while they burn,\u201d he continued, \u201cand it\u2019s everlasting darkness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The child\u2019s mouth opened. His eyes appeared to grow hollow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSatan runs it,\u201d Johnson said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Norton lurched up and took a hobbled step toward Sheppard. \u201cIs she there?\u201d he said in a loud voice. \u201cIs she there burning up?\u201d He kicked the rope off his feet. \u201cIs she on fire?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh my God,\u201d Sheppard muttered. \u201cNo no,\u201d he said, \u201cof course she isn\u2019t. Rufus is mistaken. Your mother isn\u2019t anywhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She\u2019s not unhappy. She just isn\u2019t.\u201d His lot would have been easier if when his wife died he had told Norton she had gone to heaven and that some day he would see her again, but he could not allow himself to bring him up on a lie.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Norton\u2019s face began to twist. A knot formed in his chin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cListen,\u201d Sheppard said quickly and pulled the child to him, \u201cyour mother\u2019s spirit lives on in other people and It\u2019ll live on in you if you\u2019re good and generous like she was.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The child\u2019s pale eyes hardened in disbelief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard\u2019s pity turned to revulsion. The boy would rather she be in hell than nowhere. \u201cDo you understand?\u201d he said. \u201cShe doesn\u2019t exist.\u201d He put his hand on the child\u2019s shoulder. \u201cThat\u2019s all I have to give you,\u201d he said in a softer, exasperated tone, \u201cthe truth.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Instead of howling, the boy wrenched himself away and caught Johnson by the sleeve. \u201cIs she there, Rufus?\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIs she there, burning up?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson\u2019s eyes glittered. \u2018Well,\u201d he said, \u201cshe is if she was evil. Was she a whore?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYour mother was not a whore,\u201d Sheppard said sharply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He had the sensation of driving a car without brakes. \u201cNow let\u2019s have no more of this foolishness. We were talking about the moon.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDid she believe in Jesus?\u201d Johnson asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Norton looked blank. After a second he said, \u201cYes,\u201d as if he saw that this was necessary. \u201cShe did,\u201d he said. \u201cAll the time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cShe did not,\u201d Sheppard muttered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cShe did all the time,\u201d Norton said. \u201cI heard her say she did all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cShe\u2019s saved,\u201d Johnson said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The child still looked puzzled. \u201cWhere?\u201d he said. \u201cWhere is she at?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOn high,\u201d Johnson said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhere\u2019s that?\u201d Norton gasped.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt\u2019s in the sky somewhere,\u201d Johnson said, \u201cbut you got to be dead to get there. You can\u2019t go in no space ship.\u201d There was a narrow gleam in his eyes now like a beam holding steady on its target.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMan\u2019s going to the moon,\u201d Sheppard said grimly, \u201cis very much like the first fish crawling out of the water onto land billions and billions of years ago. He didn\u2019t have an earth suit. He had to grow his adjustments inside. He developed lungs.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhen I\u2019m dead will I go to hell or where she is?\u201d Norton asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cRight now you\u2019d go where she is,\u201d Johnson said, \u201cbut if you live long enough, you\u2019ll go to hell.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard rose abruptly and picked up the lantern.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cClose the window, Rufus,\u201d he said. \u201cIt\u2019s time we went to bed.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On the way down the attic stairs he heard Johnson say in a loud whisper behind him, \u201cI\u2019ll tell you all about it tomorrow, kid, when Himself has cleared out:\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next day when the boys came to the ball park, he watched them as they came from behind the bleachers and around the edge of the field. Johnson\u2019s hand was on Norton\u2019s shoulder, his head bent toward the younger boy\u2019s ear, and on the child\u2019s face there was a look of complete confidence, of dawning light. Sheppard\u2019s grimace hardened. This would be Johnson\u2019s way of trying to annoy him. But he would not be annoyed. Norton was not bright enough to be damaged much. He gazed at the child\u2019s dull absorbed little face. Why try to make him superior? Heaven and hell were for the mediocre, and he was that if he was anything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The two boys came into the bleachers and sat down about ten feet away, facing him, but neither gave him any sign of recognition. He cast a glance behind him where the Little Leaguers were spread out in the field. Then he started for the bleachers. The hiss of Johnson\u2019s voice stopped as he approached.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018What have you fellows been doing today?\u201d he asked genially.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe\u2019s been telling me\u2026\u201d Norton started.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson pushed the child in the ribs with his elbow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018We ain\u2019t been doing nothing,\u201d he said. His face appeared to be covered with a blank glaze but through it a look of complicity was blazoned forth insolently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard felt his face grow warm, but he said nothing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A child in a Little League uniform had followed him and was nudging him in the back of the leg with a bat. He turned and put his arm around the boy\u2019s neck and went with him back to the game.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That night when he went to the attic to join the boys at the telescope, he found Norton there alone. He was sitting on the packing box, hunched over, looking intently through the instrument. Johnson was not there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhere\u2019s Rufus?\u201d Sheppard asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI said where\u2019s Rufus?\u201d he said louder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGone somewhere,\u201d the child said without turning around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGone where?\u201d Sheppard asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe just said he was going somewhere. He said he was fed up looking at stars.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI see,\u201d Sheppard said glumly. He turned and went back down the stairs. He searched the house without finding Johnson.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then he went to the living room and sat down. Yesterday he had been convinced of his success with the boy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Today he faced the possibility that he was failing with him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He had been over-lenient, too concerned to have Johnson like him. He felt a twinge of guilt. What difference did it make if Johnson liked him or not? What was that to him?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When the boy came in, they would have a few things understood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As long as you stay here there\u2019ll be no going out at night by yourself, do you understand?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t have to stay here. It ain\u2019t nothing to me staying here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Oh my God, he thought. He could not bring it to that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He would have to be firm but not make an issue of it. He picked up the evening paper. Kindness and patience were always called for but he had not been firm enough. He sat holding the paper but not reading it. The boy would not respect him unless he showed firmness. The doorbell rang and he went to answer it. He opened it and stepped back, with a pained disappointed face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A large dour policeman stood on the stoop, holding Johnson by the elbow. At the curb a patrolcar waited. Johnson looked very white. His jaw was thrust forward as if to keep from trembling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe brought him here first because he raised such a fit,\u201d the policeman said, \u201cbut now that you\u2019ve seen him, we\u2019re going to take him to the station and ask him a few questions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat happened?\u201d Sheppard muttered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cA house around the comer from here,\u201d the policeman said. \u201cA real smash job, dishes broken all over the floor, furniture turned upsidedown\u2026\u201c<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t have a thing to do with it!\u201d Johnson said. \u201cI was walking along minding my own bidnis when this cop came up and grabbed me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard looked at the boy grimly. He made no effort to soften his expression.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson Hushed. \u201cI was just walking along,\u201d he muttered, but with no conviction in his voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCome on, bud,\u201d the policeman said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou ain\u2019t going to let him take me, are you?\u201d Johnson said. \u201cYou believe me, don\u2019t you?\u201d There was an appeal in his voice that Sheppard had not heard there before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This was crucial. The boy would have to learn that he could not be protected when he was guilty. \u201cYou\u2019ll have to go with him, Rufus,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou\u2019re going to let him take me and I tell you I ain\u2019t done a thing?\u201d Johnson said shrilly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard\u2019s face became harder as his sense of injury grew. The boy had failed him even before he had had a chance to give him the shoe. They were to have got it tomorrow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
All his regret turned suddenly on the shoe; his irritation at the sight of Johnson doubled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou made out like you had all this confidence in me,\u201d the boy mumbled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI did have,\u201d Sheppard said. His face was wooden.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson turned away with the policeman but before he moved, a gleam of pure hatred Hashed toward Sheppard from the pits of his eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard stood in the door and watched them get into the patrolcar and drive away. He summoned his compassion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He would go to the station tomorrow and see what he could do about getting him out of trouble. The night in jail would not hurt him and the experience would teach him that he could not treat with impunity someone who had shown him nothing but kindness. Then they would go get the shoe and perhaps after a night in jail it would mean even more to the boy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next morning at eight o\u2019clock the police sergeant called and told him he could come pick Johnson up. \u201cWe booked a nigger on that charge,\u201d he said. \u201cYour boy didn\u2019t have nothing to do with it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard was at the station in ten minutes, his face hot with shame. Johnson sat slouched on a bench in a drab outer office, reading a police magazine. There was no else in the room. Sheppard sat down beside him and put his hand tentatively on his shoulder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The boy glanced up\u2014his lip curled\u2014and back to the magazine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard felt physically sick. The ugliness of what he had done bore in upon him with a sudden dull intensity. He had failed him at just the point where he might have turned him once and for all in the right direction. \u201cRufus,\u201d he said, \u201cI apologize. I was wrong and you were right. I misjudged you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The boy continued to read.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The boy wet his finger and turned a page.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard braced himself. \u201cI was a fool, Rufus,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
J ohnson\u2019s mouth slid slightly to the side. He shrugged without raising his head from the magazine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWill you forget it, this time?\u201d Sheppard said. \u201cIt won\u2019t happen again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The boy looked up. His eyes were bright and unfriendly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019ll forget it,\u201d he said, \u201cbut you better remember it.\u201d He got up and stalked toward the door. In the middle of the room, he turned and jerked his arm at Sheppard and Sheppard jumped up and followed him as if the boy had yanked an invisible leash.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYour shoe,\u201d he said eagerly, \u201ctoday\u2019 is the day to get your shoe!\u201d Thank God for the shoe!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But when they went to the brace shop, they found that the shoe had been made two sizes too small and a new one would not be ready for another ten days. Johnson\u2019s temper improved at once. The clerk had obviously made a mistake in the measurements but the boy insisted the foot had grown.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He left the shop with a pleased expression, as if, in expanding, the foot had acted on some inspiration of its own. Sheppard\u2019s face was haggard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After this he redoubled his efforts. Since Johnson had lost interest in the telescope, he bought a microscope and a box of prepared slides. If he couldn\u2019t impress the boy with immensity, he would try the infinitesimal. For two nights Johnson appeared absorbed in the new instrument, then he abruptly lost interest in it, but he seemed content to sit in the living room in the evening and read the encyclopedia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He devoured the encyclopedia as he devoured his dinner, steadily and without dint to his appetite. Each subject appeared to enter his head, be ravaged, and thrown out. Nothing pleased Sheppard more than to see the boy slouched on the sofa, his mouth shut, reading. After they had spent two or three evenings like this, he began to recover his vision.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His confidence returned. He knew that some day he would be proud of Johnson.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On Thursday night Sheppard attended a city council meeting. He dropped the boys off at a movie on his way and picked them up on his way back. When they reached home, an automobile with a single red eye above its windshield was waiting in front of the house. Sheppard\u2019s lights as he turned into the driveway illuminated two dour faces in the car.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe cops!\u201d Johnson said. \u201cSome nigger has broke in somewhere and they\u2019ve come for me again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe\u2019ll see about that,\u201d Sheppard muttered. He stopped the car in the driveway and switched off the lights. \u201cYou boys go in the house and go to bed:\u2019 he said. \u201cI\u2019ll handle this.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He got out and strode toward the squad car. He thrust his head in the window. The two policemen were looking at him with silent knowledgeable faces. \u201cA house on the corner of Shelton and Mills,\u201dthe one in the driver\u2019s seat said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt looks like a train run through it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe was in the picture show down town,\u201d Sheppard said. \u201cMy boy was with him. He had nothing to do with the other one and he had nothing to do with this one. I\u2019ll be responsible.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIf I was you,\u201d the one nearest him said, \u201cI wouldn\u2019t be responsible for any little bastard like him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI said I\u2019d be responsible,\u201d Sheppard repeated coldly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou people made a mistake the last time. Don\u2019t make another.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The policemen looked at each other. \u201cIt ain\u2019t our funeral,\u201d the one in the driver\u2019s seat said, and turned the key in the ignition.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard went in the house and sat down in the living room in the dark. He did not suspect Johnson and he did not want the boy to think he did. If Johnson thought he suspected him again, he would lose everything. But he wanted to know if his alibi was airtight. He thought of going to Norton\u2019s room and asking him if Johnson had left the movie. But that would be worse. Johnson would know what he was doing and would be incensed. He decided to ask Johnson himself. He would be direct. He went over in his mind what he was going to say and then he got up and went to the boy\u2019s door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was open as if he had been expected but Johnson was in bed. Just enough light came in from the hall for Sheppard to see his shape under the sheet. He came in and stood at the foot of the bed. \u201cThey\u2019ve gone,\u201d he said. \u201cI told them you had nothing to do with it and that I\u2019d be responsible.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There was a muttered \u201cYeah,\u201d from the pillow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard hesitated. \u201cRufus,\u201d he said, \u201cyou didn\u2019t leave the movie for anything at all, did your\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou make out like you got all this confidence in me!\u201d a sudden outraged voice cried, \u201cand you ain\u2019t got any! You don\u2019t trust me no more now than you did then!\u201d The voice, disembodied, seemed to come more surely from the depths of Johnson than when his face was visible. It was a cry of reproach, edged slightly with contempt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI do have confidence in you,\u201d Sheppard said intensely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI have every confidence in you. I believe in you and I trust you completely.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou got your eye on me all the time,\u201d the voice said sullenly. \u2018When you get through asking me a bunch of questions, you\u2019re going across the hall and ask Norton a bunch of them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI have no intention of asking Norton anything and never did,\u201d Sheppard said gently. \u201cAnd I don\u2019t suspect you at all. You could hardly have got from the picture show down town and out here to break in a house and back to the picture show in the time you had.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s why you believe me!\u201d the boy cried, \u201c\u2014because you think I couldn\u2019t have done it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo, no!\u201d Sheppard said. \u201cI believe you because I believe you\u2019ve got the brains and the guts not to get in trouble again. I believe you know yourself well enough now to know that you don\u2019t have to do such things. I believe that you can make anything of yourself that you set your mind to.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson sat up. A faint light shone on his forehead but the rest of his face was invisible. \u201cAnd I could have broke in there if I\u2019d wanted to in the time I had,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut I know you didn\u2019t,\u201d Sheppard said. \u201cThere\u2019s not the least trace of doubt in my mind.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There was a silence. Johnson lay back down. Then the voice, low and hoarse, as if it were being forced out with difficulty, said, \u201cYou don\u2019t want to steal and smash up things when you\u2019ve got everything you want already.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard caught his breath. The boy was thanking him!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He was thanking him! There was gratitude in his voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There was appreciation. He stood there, smiling foolishly in the dark, trying to hold the moment in suspension. Involuntarily he took a step toward the pillow and stretched out his hand and touched Johnson\u2019s forehead. It was cold and dry like rusty iron.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI understand. Good night, son,\u201d he said and turned quickly and left the room. He closed the door behind him and stood there, overcome with emotion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Across the hall Norton\u2019s door was open. The child lay on the bed on his side, looking into the light from the hall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After this, the road with Johnson would be smooth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Norton sat up and beckoned to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He saw the child but after the first instant, he did not let his eyes focus directly on him. He could not go in and talk to Norton without breaking Johnson\u2019s trust. He hesitated, but remained where he was a moment as if he saw nothing. Tomorrow was the day they were to go back for the shoe. It would be a climax to the good feeling between them. He turned quickly and went back into his own room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The child sat for some time looking at the spot where his father had stood. Finally his gaze became aimless and he lay back down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next day Johnson was glum and silent as if he were ashamed that he had revealed himself. His eyes had a hooded look. He seemed to have retired within himself and there to be going through some crisis of determination.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard could not get to the brace shop quickly enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He left Norton at home because he did not want his attention divided. He wanted to be free to observe Johnson\u2019s reaction minutely. The boy did not seem pleased or even interested in the prospect of the shoe, but when it became an actuality, certainly then he would be moved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The brace shop was a small concrete warehouse lined and stacked with the equipment of affliction. Wheel chairs and walkers covered most of the floor. The walls were hung with every kind of crutch and brace. Artificial limbs were stacked on the shelves, legs and arms and hands, claws and hooks, straps and human harnesses and unidentifiable instruments for unnamed deformities. In a small clearing in the middle of the room there was a row of yellow plastic cushioned chairs and a shoe fitting stool. Johnson slouched down in one of the chairs and set his foot up on the stool and sat with his eyes on it moodily. What was roughly the toe had broken open again and he had patched it with a piece of canvas; another place he had patched with what appeared to be the tongue of the original shoe. The two sides were laced with twine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There was a excited Hush on Sheppard\u2019s face; his heart was beating unnaturally fast.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The clerk appeared from the back of the shop with the new shoe under his arm. \u201cGot her right this time!\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He straddled the shoe-fitting stool and held the shoe up, smiling as if he had produced it by magic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was a black slick shapeless object, shining hideously.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It looked like a blunt weapon, highly polished.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson gazed at it darkly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWith this shoe,\u201d the clerk said, \u201cyou won\u2019t know you\u2019re walking. You\u2019ll think you\u2019re riding!\u201d He bent his bright pink bald head and began gingerly to unlace the twine. He removed the old shoe as if he were skinning an animal still half alive. His expression was strained. The unsheathed mass of foot in the dirty sock made Sheppard feel queasy. He turned his eyes away until the new shoe was on. The clerk laced it up rapidly. \u201cNow stand up and walk around,\u201d he said, \u201cand see if that ain\u2019t power glide.\u201d He winked at Sheppard. \u201cIn that shoe,\u201d he said, \u201che won\u2019t know he don\u2019t have a normal foot.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard\u2019s face was bright with pleasure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson stood up and walked a few yards away. He walked stiHlywith almost no dip in his short side. He stood for a moment, rigid, with his back to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWonderful!\u201d Sheppard said. \u201cWonderful.\u201d It was as if he had given the boy a new spine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson turned around. His mouth was set in a thin icy line. He came back to the seat and removed the shoe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He put his foot in the old one and began lacing it up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou want to take it home and see if it suits you first?\u201d the clerk murmured.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo,\u201d Johnson said. \u201cI ain\u2019t going to wear it at all.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with it?\u201d Sheppard said, his voice rising.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t need no new shoe,\u201d Johnson said. \u201cAnd when I do, I got ways of getting my own.\u201d His face was stony but there was a glint of triumph in his eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBoy,\u201d the clerk said, \u201cis your trouble in your foot or in your head?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGo soak your skull,\u201d Johnson said. \u201cYour brains are on fire.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The clerk rose glumly but with dignity and asked Sheppard what he wanted done with the shoe, which he dangled dispiritedly by the lace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard\u2019s face was a dark angry red. He was staring straight in front of him at a leather corset with an artificial arm attached.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The clerk asked him again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Wrap it up,\u201d Sheppard muttered. He turned his eyes to Johnson. \u201cHe\u2019s not mature enough for it yet,\u201d he said. \u201cI had thought he was less of a child.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The boy leered. \u201cYou been wrong before,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That night they sat in the living room and read as usual.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard kept himself glumly entrenched behind the Sunday New York Times. He wanted to recover his good humor, but every time he thought of the rejected shoe, he felt a new charge of irritation. He did not trust himself even to look at Johnson. He realized that the boy had refused the shoe because he was insecure. Johnson had been frightened by his own gratitude. He didn\u2019t know what to make of the new self he was becoming conscious of. He understood that something he had been was threatened and he was facing himself and his possibilities for the first time. He was questioning his identity. Grudgingly, Sheppard felt a slight return of sympathy for the boy. In a few minutes, he lowered his paper and looked at him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson was sitting on the sofa, gazing over the top of the encyclopedia. His expression was trancelike. He might have been listening to something far away. Sheppard watched him intently but the boy continued to listen, and did not turn his head. The poor kid is lost, Sheppard thought. Here he had sat all evening, sullenly reading the paper, and had not said a word to break the tension. \u201cRufus,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson continued to sit, stock-still, listening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cRufus,\u201d Sheppard said in a slow hypnotic voice, \u201cyou can be anything in the world you want to be. You can be a scientist or an architect or an engineer or whatever you set your mind to, and whatever you set your mind to be, you can be the best of its kind.\u201d He imagined his voice penetrating to the boy in the black caverns of his psyche. Johnson leaned forward but his eyes did not turn. On the street a car door closed. There was a silence. Then a sudden blast from the door bell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard jumped up and went to the door and opened it. The same policeman who had come before stood there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The patrol car waited at the curb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cLemme see that boy,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard scowled and stood aside. \u201cHe\u2019s been here all evening,\u201d he said. \u201cI can vouch for it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The policeman walked into the living room. Johnson appeared engrossed in his book. After a second he looked up with an annoyed expression, like a great man interrupted at his work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat was that you were looking at in that kitchen window over on Winter Avenue about a half hour ago, bud?\u201d the policeman asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cStop persecuting this boy!\u201d Sheppard said. \u201cI\u2019ll vouch for the fact he was here. I was here with him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou heard him,\u201d Johnson said. \u201cI been here all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt ain\u2019t everybody makes tracks like you,\u201d the policeman said and eyed the clubfoot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThey couldn\u2019t be his tracks,\u201d Sheppard growled, infuriated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe\u2019s been here all the time. You\u2019re wasting your own time and you\u2019re wasting ours.\u201d He felt the ours seal his solidarity with the boy. \u201cI\u2019m sick of this,\u201d he said. \u201cYou people are too damn lazy to go out and find whoever is doing these things. You come here automatically.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The policeman ignored this and continued looking through Johnson. His eyes were small and alert in his fleshy face. Finally he turned toward the door. \u2018Well get him sooner or later,\u201d he said, \u201cwith his head in a window and his tail out.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard followed him to the door and slammed it behind him. His spirits were soaring. This was exactly what he had needed. He returned with an expectant face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson had put the book down and was sitting there, looking at him slyly. \u201cThanks,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard stopped. The boy\u2019s expression was predatory.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He was openly leering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou ain\u2019t such a bad liar yourself,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cLiar?\u201d Sheppard murmured. Could the boy have left and come back? He felt himself sicken. Then a rush of anger sent him forward. \u201cDid you leave?\u201d he said furiously. \u201cI didn\u2019t see you leave.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The boy only smiled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou went up in the attic to see Norton,\u201d Sheppard said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNaw,\u201d Johnson said, \u201cthat kid is crazy. He don\u2019t want to do nothing but look through that stinking telescope.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t want to hear about Norton,\u201d Sheppard said harshly. \u201cWhere were you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI was sitting on that pink can by my own self,\u201d Johnson said. \u201cThere wasn\u2019t no witnesses.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard took out his handkerchief and wiped his forehead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He managed to smile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson rolled his eyes. \u201cYou don\u2019t believe in me,\u201d he said. His voice was cracked the way it had been in the dark room two nights before. \u201cYou make out like you got all this confidence in me but you ain\u2019t got any. When things get hot, you\u2019ll fade like the rest of them.\u201d The crack became exaggerated, comic. The mockery in it was blatant. \u201cYou don\u2019t believe in me. You ain\u2019t got no confidence,\u201d he wailed. \u201cAnd you ain\u2019t any smarter than that cop. All that about tracks that was a trap. There wasn\u2019t any tracks. That whole place is concreted in the back and my feet were dry.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard slowly put the handkerchief back in his pocket. He dropped down on the sofa and gazed at the rug beneath his feet. The boy\u2019s clubfoot was set within the circle of his vision. The pieced-together shoe appeared to grin at him with Johnson\u2019s own face. He caught hold of the edge of the sofa cushion and his knuckles turned white. A chill of hatred shook him. He hated the shoe, hated the foot, hated the boy. His face paled. Hatred choked him. He was aghast at himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He caught the boy\u2019s shoulder and gripped it fiercely as if to keep himself from falling. \u201cListen,\u201d he said, \u201cyou looked in that window to embarrass me. That was all you wanted \u2014to shake my resolve to help you, but my resolve isn\u2019t shaken. I\u2019m stronger than you are. I\u2019m stronger than you are and I\u2019m going to save you. The good will triumph.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNot when it ain\u2019t true,\u201d the boy said. \u201cNot when it ain\u2019t right.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMy resolve isn\u2019t shaken,\u201d Sheppard repeated. \u201cI\u2019m going to save you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson\u2019s look became sly again. \u201cYou ain\u2019t going to save me,\u201d he said. \u201cYou\u2019re going to tell me to leave this house. I did those other two jobs too\u2014the first one as well as the one I done when I was supposed to be in the picture show.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m not going to tell you to leave,\u201d Sheppard said. His voice was toneless, mechanical, \u201cI\u2019m going to save you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson thrust his head forward. \u201cSave yourself,\u201d he hissed. \u201cNobody can save me but Jesus.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard laughed curtly. \u201cYou don\u2019t deceive me\u201d he said. \u201cI hushed that out of your head in the reformatory. I saved you from that, at least.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The muscles in Johnson\u2019s face stiffened. A look of such repulsion hardened on his face that Sheppard drew back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The boy\u2019s eyes were like distorting mirrors in which he saw himself made hideous and grotesque. \u201cI\u2019ll show you,\u201d John son whispered. He rose abruptly and started headlong for the door as if he could not get out of Sheppard\u2019s sight quick enough, but it was the door to the back hall he went through, not the front door. Sheppard turned on the sofa and looked behind him where the boy had disappeared. He heard the door to his room slam. He was not leaving. The intensity had gone out of Sheppard\u2019s eyes. They looked flat and lifeless as if the shock of the boy\u2019s revelation were only now reaching the center of his consciousness. \u201cIf he would only leave,\u201d he murmured. \u201cIf he would only leave now of his own accord.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next morning Johnson appeared at the breakfast table in the grandfather\u2019s suit he had come in. Sheppard pretended not to notice but one look told him what he already knew, that he was trapped, that there could be nothing now but a battle of nerves and that Johnson would win it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He wished he had never laid eyes on the boy. The failure of his compassion numbed him. He got out of the house as soon as he could and all day he dreaded to go home in the evening. He had a faint hope that the boy might be gone when he returned. The grandfather\u2019s suit might have meant he was leaving. The hope grew in the afternoon. When he came home and opened the front door, his heart was pounding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He stopped in the hall and looked silently into the living room. His expectant expression faded. His face seemed suddenly as old as his white hair. The two boys were sitting close together on the sofa, reading the same book. Norton\u2019s cheek rested against the sleeve of Johnson\u2019s black suit. Johnson\u2019s finger moved under the lines they were reading. The elder brother and the younger. Sheppard looked woodenly at this scene for almost a minute. Then he walked into the room and took off his coat and dropped it on a chair. Neither boy noticed him. He went on to the kitchen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Leola left the supper on the stove every afternoon before she left and he put it on the table. His head ached and his nerves were taut. He sat down on the kitchen stool and remained there, sunk in his depression. He wondered if he could infuriate Johnson enough to make him leave of his own accord. Last night what had enraged him was the Jesus business. It might enrage Johnson, but it depressed him. Why not simply tell the boy to go? Admit defeat. The thought of facing Johnson again sickened him. The boy looked at him as if he were the guilty one, as if he were a moral leper. He knew without conceit that he was a good man, that he had nothing to reproach himself with. His feelings about Johnson now were involuntary. He would like to feel compassion for him. He would like to be able to help him. He longed for the time when there would be no one but himself and Norton in the house, when the child\u2019s simple selfishness would be all he had to contend with, and his own loneliness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He got up and took three serving dishes off the shelf and took them to the stove. Absently he began pouring the butterbeans and the hash into the dishes. When the food was on the table, he called them in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They brought the book with them. Norton pushed his place setting around to the same side of the table as Johnson\u2019s and moved his chair next to Johnson\u2019s chair. They sat down and put the book between them. It was a black book with red edges.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s that you\u2019re reading?\u201d Sheppard asked, sitting down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe Holy Bible,\u201d Johnson said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
God give me strength, Sheppard said under his breath \u201cWe lifted it from a ten cent store,\u201d Johnson said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018We?\u201d Sheppard muttered. He turned and glared at Norton. The child\u2019s face was bright and there was an excited sheen to his eyes. The change that had come over the boy struck him for the first time. He looked alert. He had on a blue plaid shirt and his eyes were a brighter blue than he had ever seen them before. There was a strange new life in him, the sign of new and more rugged vices. \u201cSo now you steal?\u201d he said, glowering. \u201cYou haven\u2019t learned to be generous but you have learned to steal.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNo he ain\u2019t,\u201d Johnson said. \u201cI was the one lifted it. He only watched. He can\u2019t sully himself. It don\u2019t make any difference about me. I\u2019m going to hell anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard held his tongue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cUnless,\u201d Johnson said, \u201cI repent.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cRepent, Rufus,\u201d Norton said in a pleading voice. \u201cRepent, hear? You don\u2019t want to go to hell.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cStop talking this nonsense,\u201d Sheppard said, looking sharply at the child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIf I do repent, I\u2019ll be a preacher,\u201d Johnson said. \u201cIf you\u2019re going to do it, it\u2019s no sense in doing it half way.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat are you going to be, Norton,\u201d Sheppard asked in a brittle voice, \u201ca preacher too?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There was a glitter of wild pleasure in the child\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cA space man!\u201d he shouted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWonderful,\u201d Sheppard said bitterly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThose space ships ain\u2019t going to do you any good unless you believe in Jesus,\u201d Johnson said. He wet his finger and began to leaf through the pages of the Bible. \u201cI\u2019ll read you where it says so,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard leaned forward and said in a low furious voice, \u201cPut that Bible up, Rufus, and eat your dinner.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson continued searching for the passage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Put that Bible up! \u201d Sheppard shouted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The boy stopped and looked up. His expression was startled but pleased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat book is something for you to hide behind,\u201d Sheppard said. \u201cIt\u2019s for cowards, people who are afraid to stand on their own feet and figure things out for themselves.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson\u2019s eyes snapped. He backed his chair a little way from the table. \u201cSatan has you in his power,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNot only me. You too.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard reached across the table to grab the book but Johnson snatched it and put it in his lap.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard laughed. \u201cYou don\u2019t believe in that book and you know you don\u2019t believe in itl\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI believe it!\u201d Johnson said. \u201cYou don\u2019t know what I believe and what I don\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard shook his head. \u201cYou don\u2019t believe it. You\u2019re too intelligent.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI ain\u2019t too intelligent,\u201d the boy muttered. \u201cYou don\u2019t know nothing about me. Even if I didn\u2019t believe it, it would still be true.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t believe it!\u201d Sheppard said. His face was a taunt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI believe it!\u201d Johnson said breathlessly. \u201cI\u2019ll show you I believe it! \u201d He opened the book in his lap and tore out a page of it and thrust it into his mouth. He fixed his eyes on Sheppard. His jaws worked furiously and the paper crackled as he chewed it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cStop this,\u201d Sheppard said in a dry, burnt-out voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cStop it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The boy raised the Bible and tore out a page with his teeth and began grinding it in his mouth, his eyes burning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard reached across the table and knocked the book out of his hand. \u201cLeave the table,\u201d he said coldly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson swallowed what was in his mouth. His eyes widened as if a vision of splendor were opening up before him. \u201cI\u2019ve eaten it!\u201d he breathed. \u201cI\u2019ve eaten it like Ezekiel and it was honey to my mouth!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cLeave this table,\u201d Sheppard said. His hands were clenched beside his plate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019ve eaten it!\u201d the boy cried. Wonder transformed his face. \u201cI\u2019ve eaten it like Ezekiel and I don\u2019t want none of your food after it nor no more ever.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGo then,\u201d Sheppard said softly. \u201cGo. Go.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The boy rose and picked up the Bible and started toward the hall with it. At the door he paused, a small black figure on the threshold of some dark apocalypse: \u201cThe devil has you in his power,\u201d he said in a jubilant voice and disappeared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After supper Sheppard sat in the living room alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson had left the house but he could not believe that the boy had simply gone. The first feeling of release had passed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He felt dull and cold as at the onset of an illness and dread had settled in him like a fog. Just to leave would be too anticlimactic an end for Johnson\u2019s taste; he would return and try to prove something. He might come back a week later and set fire to the place. Nothing seemed too outrageous now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He picked up the paper and tried to read. In a moment he threw it down and got up and went into the hall and listened. He might be hiding in the attic. He went to the attic door and opened it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The lantern was lit, casting a dim light on the stairs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He didn\u2019t hear anything. \u201cNorton,\u201d he called, \u201care you up there?\u201d There was no answer. He mounted the narrow stairs to see.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Amid the strange vine-like shadows cast by the lantern, Norton sat with his eye to the telescope. \u201cNorton,\u201d Sheppard said, \u201cdo you know where Rufus went?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The child\u2019s back was to him. He was sitting hunched, intent, his large ears directly above his shoulders. Suddenly he waved his hand and crouched closer to the telescope as if he could not get near enough to what he saw.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNorton!\u201d Sheppard said in a loud voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The child didn\u2019t move.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNorton!\u201d Sheppard shouted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Norton started. He turned around. There was an unnatural brightness about his eyes. After a moment he seemed to see that it was Sheppard. \u201cI\u2019ve found her!\u201d he said breathlessly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cFound who?\u201d Sheppard said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMamma!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard steadied himself in the door way. The jungle ol shadows around the child thickened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCome and look!\u201d he cried. He wiped his sweaty face on the tail of his plaid shirt and then put his eye back to the telescope. His back became fixed in a rigid intensity. All at once he waved again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNorton,\u201d Sheppard said, \u201cyou don\u2019t see anything in the telescope but star clusters. Now you\u2019ve had enough of that for one night. You\u2019d better go to bed. Do you know where Rufus is?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cShe\u2019s there!\u201d he cried, not turning around from the telescope. \u201cShe waved at me!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201d I want you in bed in fifteen minutes,\u201d Sheppard said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After a moment he said, \u201cDo you hear me, Norton?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The child began to wave frantically.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201d I mean what I say,\u201d Sheppard said. \u201cI\u2019m going to call in fifteen minutes and see if you\u2019re in bed.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He went down the steps again and returned to the parlor. He went to the front door and cast a cursory glance out. The sky was crowded with the stars he had been fool enough to think Johnson could reach. Somewhere in the small wood behind the house, a bull frog sounded a low hollow note. He went back to his chair and sat a few minutes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He decided to go to bed. He put his hands on the arms of the chair and leaned forward and heard, like the first shrill note of a disaster warning, the siren of a police car, moving slowly into the neighborhood and nearer until it subsided with a moan outside the house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He felt a cold weight on his shoulders as if an icy cloak had been thrown about him. He went to the door and opened it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Two policemen were coming up the walk with a dark snarling Johnson between them, handcuffed to each. A reporter jogged alongside and another policeman waited in the patrol car.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHere\u2019s your boy,\u201d the dourest of the policemen said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDidn\u2019t I tell you we\u2019d get him?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson jerked his arm down savagely. \u201d I was waitin for you!\u201d he said. \u201cYou wouldn\u2019t have got me if I hadn\u2019t of wanted to get caught. It was my idea.\u201d He was addressing the policemen but leering at Sheppard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard looked at him coldly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhy did you want to get caught?\u201d the reporter asked, running around to get beside Johnson. \u201cWhy did you deliberately want to get caught?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The question and the sight of Sheppard seemed to throw the boy into a fury. \u201cTo show up that big tin Jesus!\u201d he hissed and kicked his leg out at Sheppard. \u201cHe thinks he\u2019s God. I\u2019d rather be in the reformatory than in his house, I\u2019d rather be in the pen! The Devil has him in his power. He don\u2019t know his left hand from his right, he don\u2019t have as much sense as his crazy kid!\u201d He paused and then swept on to his fantastic conclusion. \u201cHe made suggestions to me!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard\u2019s face blanched. He caught hold of the door facing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSuggestions?\u201dthe reporter said eagerly, \u201cwhat kind of suggestions?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cImmoral suggestions!\u201d Johnson said. \u201cWhat kind of suggestions do you think? But I ain\u2019t having none of it, I\u2019m a Christian, I\u2019m\u2026\u201c<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard\u2019s face was tight with pain. \u201cHe knows that\u2019s not true,\u201d he said in a shaken voice. \u201cHe knows he\u2019s lying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I did everything I knew how for him. I did more for him than I did for my own child. I hoped to save him and I failed, but it was an honorable failure. I have nothing to reproach myself with. I made no suggestions to him.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDo you remember the suggestions?\u201dthe reporter asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCan you tell us exactly what he said?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe\u2019s a dirty atheist,\u201d Johnson said. \u201cHe said there wasn\u2019t no hell.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, they seen each other now,\u201d one of the policemen said with a knowing sigh. \u201cLet\u2019s us go.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWait,\u201d Sheppard said. He came down one step and fixed his eyes on Johnson\u2019s eyes in a last desperate effort to save himself. \u201cTell the truth, Rufus,\u201d he said. \u201cYou don\u2019t want to perpetrate this lie. You\u2019re not evil, you\u2019re mortally confused. You don\u2019t have to make up for that foot, you don\u2019t have to\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson hurled himself forward. \u201cListen at him!\u201d he screamed. \u201cI lie and steal because I\u2019m good at it! My foot don\u2019t have a thing to do with it! The lame shall enter first!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The halt\u2019ll be gathered together. When I get ready to be saved, Jesus\u2019ll save me, not that lying stinking atheist, not that\u2026\u201c<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019ll be enough out of you,\u201d the policeman said and yanked him back. \u2018We just wanted you to see we got him,\u201d he said to Sheppard, and the two of them turned around and dragged Johnson away, half turned and screaming back at Sheppard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe lame\u2019ll carry off the prey!\u201d he screeched, but his voice was muffed inside the car. The reporter scrambled into the front seat with the driver and slammed the door and the siren wailed into the darkness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sheppard remained there, bent slightly like a man who has been shot but continues to stand. After a minute he turned and went back in the house and sat down in the chair he had left. He closed his eyes on a picture of Johnson in a circle of reporters at the police station, elaborating his lies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI have nothing to reproach myself with,\u201d he murmured.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His every action had been selfless, his one aim had been to save Johnson for some decent kind of service, he had not spared himself, he had sacrificed his reputation, he had done more for Johnson than he had done for his own child. Foulness hung about him like an odor in the air, so close that it seemed to come from his own breath. \u201cI have nothing to reproach myself with,\u201d he repeated. His voice sounded dry and harsh. \u201cI did more for him than I did for my own child.\u201d He was swept with a sudden panic. He heard the boy\u2019s jubilant voice. Satan has you in his power.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI have nothing to reproach myself with,\u201d he began again. \u201cI did more for him than I did for my own child.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He heard his voice as if it were the voice of his accuser. He repeated the sentence silently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Slowly his face drained of color. It became almost grey beneath the white halo of his hair. The sentence echoed in his mind, each syllable like a dull blow. His mouth twisted and he closed his eyes against the revelation. Norton\u2019s face rose before him, empty, forlorn, his left eye listing almost imperceptibly toward the outer rim as if it could not bear a full view of grief. His heart constricted with a repulsion for himself so clear and intense that he gasped for breath. He had stuffed his own emptiness with good works like a glutton. He had ignored his own child to feed his vision of himself. He saw the clear-eyed Devil, the sounder of hearts, leering at him from the eyes of Johnson. His image of himself shriveled until everything was black before him. He sat there paralyzed, aghast.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He saw Norton at the telescope, all back and ears, saw his arm shoot up and wave frantically. A rush of agonizing love for the child rushed over him like a transfusion of life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The little boy\u2019s face appeared to him transformed; the image of his salvation; all light. He groaned with joy. He would make everything up to him. He would never let him suffer again. He would be mother and father. He jumped up and ran to his room, to kiss him, to tell him that he loved him that he would never fail him again. \u2018<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The light was on in Norton\u2019s room but the bed was empty. He turned and dashed up the attic stairs and at the top reeled back like a man on the edge of a pit. The tripod had fallen and the telescope lay on the floor. A few feet over it, the child hung in the jungle of shadows, just below the beam from which he had launched his flight into space.<\/p>\n\n\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/lecturia.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/divider2.png\")
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\nBibliographic data<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Author: Flannery O\u2019Connor [Full text]<\/p>\n\n\n
Title: The Lame Shall Enter First
Published in: The Sewanee Review (1962)
Appears in: Everything That Rises Must Converge (1965)<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"Flannery](\"https:\/\/lecturia.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/Flannery-OConnor-1-150x150.jpg\")
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